Pause for a laugh – Genuine extracts from letters sent to Local Councils in Ireland

1. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage

2. The lavatory is blocked so will you send a man to look into it?

3. Our gutters are blocked. This has been caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.

4. This is to let you know there is a very bad smell coming from the man next door.

5. The toilet seat is cracked – where do I stand?

6. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is running away from the wall.

7. Please send plumber to burst in outside toilet.

8.I am still having trouble with smoke in my built-in drawer.

9. I request your permission to remove my drawers in my kitchen.

10. Our lavatory seat has broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.

12. I want some repairs done to my gas cooker as it back-fired and burnt my knob.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden which is dangerous and unsightly.

15. Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.

16. Our kitchen floor is very damp. We have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

17. Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and the box fell on his head.

18. This is to let you know our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC 2.

19. I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.

20. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

21. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it’s a funny colour and not fit to drink.

22. My carpet is not fit for human consumption. It got soaked and I didn’t send the form in sooner as I’ve been ill with bowel trouble.